How To Survive As A Single Mom
By Shalonda Gordon
There are many times when I get the statement, “I don’t know how you do it!” Notice it’s a statement, it’s not a question or a request and it requires no response. It simply is the other person expressing what they do not know. I remember when I would respond with, “What do you mean, it’s all I know!” See I have been a Single Mom since day one. Then one day I sat and really thought about the statement and the negative flare behind it. “I don’t know HOW YOU do it!” I mean who makes that kind of statement? Which leads me to how we survive as single moms. Sometimes we have to simply shut people down. When a person makes this statement to me now, I look at them and say, “Why are you telling me about things YOU DON’T know?” I place that negative flare back at them. Most of the people that say it do not actually hear what they said until I respond. Then they start fumbling over their words, like they didn’t mean that. They just meant, and then they say, “you know what I’m talking about”. I simply laugh and change the subject. See I don’t speak about being a single mom with anyone who can not edify the situation. What do I mean by edify? If I’m talking to a non-single mom about being a single mom it must have positive undertones, for I do not entertain negative ones. We get enough of the negative in this world.
Sometimes I get the question, “Is it hard to survive as a single mom?” For me personally, I believe being a parent in general has it’s ups and downs. I mean if a married mom of two has a child in a car accident and she is waiting at the hospital bed side waiting for her baby to wake up, this is a hard situation to survive. It all depends on how you look at life. It all depends on how you view survival. The truth is survival is only as hard as you make it. I believe that I am strong enough to handle everything that comes my way. Now understand, this statement of strength does not mean that I do not struggle, it simply means that I decide upfront that I have what it takes to make it through this situation. Prior to having children, I didn’t always take this road. Yet, it is not just about me anymore, it is now also about my children. It is hard to survive as a single mom if you decide to make it hard. If you make a decision that you are a survivor, well guess what, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. And this truth works for any experience in life not just parenthood.
I consider being a single mom a blessing. I’ve been a parent for 11 years and there is a joy that comes from raising my daughters Are there hard times? Yes, yet let’s be honest, I had hard times way before I became a Mom. I’m sure many reading this article know what I’m speaking about. We survive by making decisions that we will survive. Rather things are hard or not, we must decide that we are strong enough to live the life that has been dealt us. We must except that we are blessings. We must except that we were chosen for this journey. Once a decision is made, I recommend you enjoy every second of it. As I look at my girls, I realize that if I blink, I will miss something. They grow and change every day. I’ll take survival as a single mom over survival of other things any day. Once we survive as single moms we can look forward to many other things in life. Become a strong believer that this moment is simply that, a moment, and every moment that is to follow can only improve your life.
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